I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
