I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
