Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
