He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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