so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
