so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just cropdusted the office
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
