My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
