After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
