In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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