Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
