why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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