STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Its about making memories worth repressing
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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