My first STD was from a foam party
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
