I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
