I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
