How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
