Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
