There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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