Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
