dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
