Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
