i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
