and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
