i think my tv is drunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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