sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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