I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
