I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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