Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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