Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
