im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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