I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
