Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
