As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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