you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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