so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
