Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
