You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
