Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
