He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
