I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
