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At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
