There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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