Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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