What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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