i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
