Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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