She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
