The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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