He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
