Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
