Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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