Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights

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(402): View more from Nebraska

i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.

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(913): View more from Kansas

You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.

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(305): View more from Florida

Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.

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