All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
