and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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