pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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