new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
